sassy sarah

an alaskan girl's adventures, creations and aspirations

Well, sh*t March 10, 2017

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahdahlstrom @ 1:03 am

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post. Not because my life isn’t a steady storm of shit, but I really haven’t had any free time to even finish my 17 loads of laundry, much less write about my ridiculous life. Luckily my MIL visited a few weeks ago and did 47 loads of laundry, folded it all and placed in organized piles on our bed. I’ve never felt so pampered. She even cooked us a few meals and let us go shopping without kids. It was a freakin mini vacation!

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Trigger has been saying some hilarious stuff lately. Today he grabbed grapes from the fridge and told me he just went “trick or treating”.

A few days ago we are driving to school and he said: “Mama, you need to be careful driving in your car”. Ummm, yeah I know there’s some precious cargo in my backseat, sweet thing! He’s also been telling me that he’s “exhausted” and that “horses are beautiful”. Sometimes he will just out of the blue start laughing and say, “Mama, I’m funny”. He makes me laugh!!! But today, I was not laughing one little bit…

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I’ve been dealing with dental issues the past few weeks. Apparently my 14 year old crown cracked awhile ago and I’ve been having some sensitivity. So two weeks ago I had my crown replaced. And I thought I was done. But this past weekend I experienced horrible shooting pains and turns out I needed an emergency root canal. The only office that could get me in was 50 minutes away. So I drive over to Des Moines and spend 2.5 hours with my jaw wide open. And the edodondist broke my brand new crown. So they scheduled me the afternoon to get back to my dentist so I could get a new crown on. Holy hell. Another 2.5 hours with my mouth wide open. So sore. And thankfully I had friends and emergency babysitters that were able to watch the boys.

And so, this morning I needed to spend some time working on the computer. I fed the boys and put on some Nick Jr to entertain the littles for 30 minutes.

Work has been really awesome and our business is growing. That also means I’m working 30-50 hours a week and taking business trips out of town, while I try to manage a wild ginger baby and a re-donk-u-lous  2.5 year old.

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And so, I’m working and chatting with a customer about her upcoming party and ordering new goodies for the store. Trigger and Blaze always love coming to visit me at the computer while I work. This time Trigger proudly announces that he went poop! He’s been potty trained at home for weeks and he’s so proud of anything he does in the bathroom. Awesome, lets go back in bathroom and wipe that bum. But Blaze doesn’t look right. His legs are covered in something and his hands are full of that something as well…. yup, Trigger’s POOP! He had fingerpainted his body with Trigger’s crap. And Trigger’s crap did not make it in the toilet, it conveniently was dropped right in middle of the living room and then stepped in by one of the monkeys.

So there I am scrubbing shit on the floor, wiping toddler’s dingle berries before he jumps on every ride-on toy, and gagging while I give an emergency sink bath to this dirty little ginger baby, who now thinks everything is hilarious and is laughing over my disgust.

So, I’m really not sure what has been worse: the shit show of my offspring or the emergency dental work that kept my mouth open for 6 hours. But if you plan on stopping by to visit this week I’ll take some soup, Clorox wipes and a bottle of the finest $10 bottle of Pinot. And excuse me while I go plan a freakin vacation to Vegas while a Grandma watches the monsters!

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Judgey-Mc-Judgerstons August 26, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahdahlstrom @ 6:13 am

Do you know how nice it is to hear, “you’re doing a good job, mama”?!? I get tears in my eyes when someone tells me this. The other day I received a text message from a family member that complimented how great my kids are. That seriously felt better than fitting into my skinny jeans. It’s not so easy to have all your kids’ needs met at the same time while keeping calm and collected. I’m no Mary Poppins. Like, seriously, why is Trigger crying? Because he has to share toys now. His life sucks sometimes.

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I am part of a new moms group in my town and am really enjoying all the diversity in parenting styles. Today we all met up and played with our kids at The Little Gym. Sooooo fun and awesome instructors. I want to go back Every. Freaking. Day. My kids had so much fun!! Look at this face!

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It took Trigger about 20 minutes to get out the door and into the car. It was haaaaaaaarrrrrd to leave this place! But I didn’t feel judged about my toddler having a meltdown. I felt supported by the people that worked there and the other moms. That’s the way to be!!

I just read this post my best friend sent me. SO TRUE!! There are WAY too many judgey-mc-judgerstons out there on social media!! Yes, I forward face my toddler. Yes, I feed my kids solids at 5.75 months. Yes, I use a binky so I don’t have to be an all-night pacifier. Yes, I drink wine as a breastfeeding mom. These are my educated choices after talking with expert MEDICAL professionals. Also, I rarely dress my kids in clothes because it’s way more fun to hang out in a diaper. So, as the movie Bad Moms said, “here’s to all us bad moms”! Cheers beotches! We aren’t bad moms- I think we are fun moms doing a hell of a good job with cool freakin kids!

 

I love shopping (alone)! — sassy sarah August 25, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahdahlstrom @ 7:27 am

I do love shopping!!! I remember the days when my girls and I would run around town shopping and sitting down for hours afterwards having cocktails and fancy appetizers. Now, my shopping sprees look a bit different. On the search for curtains today. So I head to Pier 1 to look around. Uh oh, they […]

via I love shopping (alone)! — sassy sarah

 

I love shopping (alone)!

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahdahlstrom @ 7:23 am

imageI do love shopping!!! I remember the days when my girls and I would run around town shopping and sitting down for hours afterwards having cocktails and fancy appetizers. Now, my shopping sprees look a bit different.

On the search for curtains today. So I head to Pier 1 to look around. Uh oh, they don’t have any sort of cart to contain my monkey-armed mini terrorist that can break every effin thing in sight. So this is how we went about shopping for curtains. I didn’t find any. Or maybe I didn’t see any because my terrorist was poking out my eyeballs.

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The best kind of shopping is grocery shopping. We do it about twice a week and the secret to happiness is the red shiny Cadillac of grocery carts. We can cruise down every aisle and he smiles at everyone he passes. However, Trigger’s new favorite word is “farted”. I think Jake taught him this. I would never say the word fart. And I definitely never fart. But just to warn you— you should NEVER fart in the grocery store! Trigger will announce it over the loud speaker. “FARTED! Farted! Mommy Farted!!”. Damn kid!

 

 

Screaming into a Pillow August 3, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahdahlstrom @ 9:46 pm

In my past life, before motherhood, I was a school counselor. Every day frustrated kids would come talk to me about friend issues, anger with their parents, or disagreements with their teacher. One of the tools I taught them was how to calm down before having a conversation to solve the issue. Stress management 101. In my twenties stress was nothing. As a parent I use these tools daily. All. Freakin. Day. I am currently utilizing: screaming into a pillow. Why?

  1. I am training the baby to sleep in his crib. Which he doesn’t love. And he likes to wake up every 30 minutes to make sure I’m still on the air mattress right next to him. I swear he feels me walk away back to my room and pops open an eye and his face turns into the pouty-about-to-scream face. Little stinker!
  2. Toddler does not want to eat anything today. Not peaches. Nope, those were thrown on the floor when I went back to the fridge. Not apples. He hid those in his highchair so I wouldn’t see where they went. And not even banana chocolate chip bread. Because he thinks the chocolate chips are “poo poo”.
  3. My current favorite- Toddler thinks he is an NFL defensive tackle and tries to knock us down on our asses. He rams into us repeatedly and laughs. I’ve tried all types of discipline for this one and he laughs even more. The one time I moved out of his way he ran himself right into the door. Now, I’m the jerk. Maybe I should just strap a helmet on his head and set up an obstacle course.
  4. After spending 20 minutes playing with toddler at the park I sit down to feed the baby. Toddler walks up and puts his adorable, sweaty little face in front of mine and demands my hand. “Hand, hand, hand. MOMMY! HAND!!”
  5. Walking home from the park the toddler sprints ahead and hides behind a tree. I tell him it’s time to go home and eat lunch. He tells me “no” and collapses next to tree. I hope none of my neighbors watched me struggle to drag, carry and coax this obnoxious little boy terrorist back to our house.IMG_0363
  6. Oh, I have more but baby just woke up and demands milk.

Tonight I will be doing yoga (aka having a glass of wine) and spending some time crafting  or locking myself in my bathroom for a bath. Alone.

How do you stay calm through the challenges of motherhood?

 

Real life. July 16, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahdahlstrom @ 11:15 pm

As I fill my Pinterest boards with home decor, kid’s crafts and the projects for Jake and I to do together, I think WTF?!? When will I ever get this $hit done? Probably never. Nope, because my house actually looks like this most the time:

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Because real life with with a 4 month old means I am waking up every 2-3 hours to feed the teething infant. And I rely on dry shampoo before going out in public. It means instead of putting him in his crib and letting him scream until he naps, I am nursing him to sleep and holding him so he won’t wake up. It also means that I get to hold and love on this baby most the day. For this, I am so thankful.image

He’s a mama’s boy and I’ll take advantage of it because before I know it he will be covered in dirt and battle wounds, like his older brother. And like his older brother, he will soon think Dada is the bomb dot com.

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Real life means my toddler doesn’t get full attention when he should. And he watches too much Mickey Mouse when I am tending to his little brother. It means we let him play on his own in the backyard and sometimes he comes back with dog poop in his hand. Real life also means that my toddler is exploring and learning to entertain himself.

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He’s adventurous and a non-stop wild child. I love that about him!! He is not afraid to fall. And, holy crap, he falls all the time. He’s kind of like me. He falls. Pretends that he meant to do that. Then gets on with life. So that’s real life. Lots of messes. Lots of falls. And plenty of snuggles, kisses and “I love you’s”. That’s the stuff that really matters. Not that perfect Pinterest life. Who ever has for that? If you do, can you please send your nanny and maid over to my house so I can start working on some home decor projects!!

 

What’s so funny? May 25, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarahdahlstrom @ 5:52 am

Yup, we have some tough moments parenting 2 under 2. But there is so much to laugh about on a daily basis. It’s a good thing I still have control of my bladder!!

I’ve been pinning healthy toddler meals for months. Like, ohhhh I’m going to be such a great parent if I can get my kid to eat all his food groups. Right, like that ever happens. This meal…image

all he ate were the pretzels. Oh, and he licked some dressing off the broccoli. What a turd. Seriously, I don’t think he’d ever get tired of “fench fies”. Basically he asks for fries at every meal. Sometimes I give him sweet potato fries, sometimes it’s Costco baked organic healthy-as-a-potato-chip veggie fries, and yup, sometimes it’s happy meal time. No shame. Whatever. My kid likes to eat. A lot. And he gets his veggies in. I might have to sneak it in his food. But sometimes he really loves his veggies! And sometimes he just throws food on the floor when I turn my back.

The other day I was so proud to give him this lovely balanced toddler-friendly meal: Mac & cheese, Hebrew National hot dog (sliced into the smallest damn pieces I could get them into), and carrot slices. What did my kid do? Oh, he rubbed ketchup all over his face. How could I not laugh when I sat down to eat lunch with him? Silly kid!

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War paint!

Next case is point. Potty training. We are actually too lazy to start… I mean, we are waiting until we are back from a couple vacations this summer. Ha! He loves to run around naked in the backyard. No one can see into our backyard, I should add. So this evening his dad shows him how to pee on a tree. Toddler watches him intently. His dad shows him how to “shake” it when he’s finished. Toddler shakes his booty and giggles. His dad tells him to go potty. Toddler squats and tries to poop. Oh boy!

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And my final funny for the night… I said to the sweet hubby, “I just want to go upstairs and take a bath. Alone for 10 minutes then you can bring Blaze up for a bath.” He shook his head no since he spent the past 30 minutes of the floor of toddler’s bedroom coaxing him to sleep and Blazer Razor was now the fussy one. Then he figured out that he could watch Sportscenter for 30 minutes with baby Blaze and said “get up there”. So, there I was enjoying my moments of freedom thinking about my to-do list for tomorrow. [OMG, ladies- my new hair stylist is coming TO MY HOUSE tomorrow to do my hair!!!] anyways….. In walks hubby. With explosive baby poop on his shirt. Best part is that he had NO CLUE he’d been pooped on. It ain’t always pretty but I love this messy, wonderful, sometimes chaotic, life!!

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